Jokes on money and finance 1
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most–his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, “I’m going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me.” All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, “I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin.” The physician then said, “Well, since we’re confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn’t put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn’t afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that.” The lawyer then said, “I’m ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000.”
Jokes on money and finance 2
Paul and his wife lived in the country. Paul was very stingy and hated spending money. One day a fair came to the nearby town. “Let’s go to the fair, Paul,” his wife said, “We haven’t been anywhere for a long time.” Paul thought about this for a while. He knew he would have to spend money at the fair. At last he said, “All right, but I’m not going to spend much money. We’ll look at things, but we won’t buy anything.” They went to the fair and looked at all the things to buy. There were many things Paul‘s wife wanted to buy, but he would not let her spend any money.
Then, in a nearby field, they saw a small airplane. “Fun flight!” the notice said, “Rs. 500/- for 10 minutes.” Matt had never been in an airplane and he wanted to go on a fun flight. However, he didn’t want to have to pay for his wife, as well. “I’ve only got Rs. 500,” he told the pilot. “Can my wife come with me for free?” The pilot said , “I’ll make a bargain with you. If your wife doesn’t scream or shout, during the flight both of you can have a free flight.” Paul agreed, and got into the small airplane with his wife. The pilot took off and made his airplane do all kinds of things. At one moment it was flying upside down. When the plane landed, the pilot said, “O.K. your wife didn’t make a sound. Both of you can have a ride free ride.” Thank you,” Paul said. “it wasn’t easy for her, you know, especially when she fell out.”
Jokes on money and finance 3
There’s a story about a wealthy Christian who somehow got obsessed with the idea of taking some of his wealth to heaven. Now he knew the Bible clearly teaches that you can’t take it with you. But so obsessed was he with this desire that he just prayed & prayed that God would give him permission to take some of his wealth to heaven with him. Finally, God spoke to him & said, “Okay, you can take one suitcase with you into heaven.”
Well, the story continues with the man deep in thought, “What do I take? What are the most valuable things that I can put into my suitcase?” Well, he finally decided, & filled his suitcase full. Then one day he died and he is slowly approaching the pearly gates dragging his suitcase behind him.
St. Peter met him there at the gate & said, “Wait a minute. What do you think you’re doing? You’re not allowed to take anything into heaven.” The man answered, “You don’t understand. I have special permission from God Himself to take this suitcase into heaven.” Peter rubbed his beard & said, “Well, that’s very unusual. I can’t imagine God letting you do that. Let me look inside your suitcase & see what’s there.” So the man dragged the suitcase over, & Peter opened it to see that it was filled with gold bars & gold bricks. Peter said, “Well, all right. If God said so, I suppose you can take that in if you want. But why in the world did you go to all this trouble just to bring more pavement to heaven?”
Money has no value in heaven, so the wisest thing you can do is invest in what will have value in heaven, which is using money for investment in heaven.
Jokes on money and finance 4
A couple are having severe financial difference and are arguing about money. Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here at all!” Yes said the wife. “If it weren’t for your money, I wouldn’t be here at all.”
Jokes on money and finance 5
At the vestry meeting, the congregation’s wealthiest member decided to share a portion of his faith story. “I’m a millionaire,” he said, “and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I can still remember the turning point in my faith, like it was yesterday:
I had just earned my first 500 Rupees and I went to a youth meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a 500 note and had to either give it all to God’s work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole money to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today.” When he finished and sat down, the chair of the stewardship committee leaned over and said: “Wonderful story! I dare you to do it again!”